Thoughts

Mental heath is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, and through that I’ve been examining my own thoughts and feelings. It’s dawned on me, quite forcefully, that I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way. In recent years, I’ve let negative thoughts seep in, which has brought loneliness, anxiety and lessening self-worth. I can’t really put my finger on when it happened as a lot of things are going well in my life, but it’s become more and more noticeable over the last few months. I back away from social situations, I long for interaction, yet I feel shy and as if I’m annoying people when I do reach out, whether it be through social media or otherwise. I’ve put on some weight and maybe don’t take enough care of myself as I used to. My diet is all over the place. But these things are all fixable, all with some attentiveness, motivation and action. I often have hang ups on the way other people perceive me, whether it’s through my tweets, how I look or the opinions I have. But none of that matters, though it’s hard for me to realise this. It shouldn’t matter what other people think from the outside looking in. All that matters is my relationship with myself, and that’s something I really need to focus on for the next while. I’d like to take a writing class, exercise more and eat better, educate myself and clean up my life from the mistakes I’ve made along the way. The feelings of loneliness come and go, mostly stemming from the fact that I’m unsure of how to really be a social person. I believe I’m a nice person and have a lot to offer, but maybe aren’t representing that well enough. I’d love to get to know people better, do more and build myself a nice social circle. It’s pethaps because I’m quite a needy and sensitive person who, like anyone, likes a certain amount of validation. And I haven’t really seen much of that lately. But then maybe that’s my fault for simply expecting it. Or looking in the wrong places. I always try on Twitter to engage with people but never really feel as though I’m doing it the right way. I’m still not sure if any of this makes sense, but it feels better to write it all down. If you’re reading this, then thanks for taking the time.